Three things that will improve your life... I promise.

I was originally going to title this "How not to be an asshole in three simple steps". Catchy? Yes. But, as I thought about it, I wanted to take on more of a positive... something that could apply to anyone who reads it. So instead of the focus being on what someone is doing wrong... I decided to focus on what we can do right. 

Trust me, it would have been much more fun to go the first route. But this way, I find, to be more fulfilling. 

What I am about to share with you I have learned most often the hard way. Whether it has been me thinking, most naively, that my way was "The way", or me letting things fester until they result in unresolved conflict, or perhaps even being too honest with someone in a neglectful way that ultimately caused them hurt. Yes, I have definitely made my share of mistakes along the way, but, I have learned quite a bit too. 

If you have it all together you can stop reading :)

If you're like me and you desire to continue to grow as a person then by all means... please continue.

The three things that you are about to read have brought considerable growth in my life. I hope they begin to pave the way for you to experience that same growth.

 You want to grow? Then please understand that... 

1. Your version of truth is NOT absolute and that's ok.

                                               

Lets face it... your version of truth has mainly been formed by life experiences, environment, and what you've been taught by others. Just because someone is looking at the same thing through a different lens doesn't mean they are wrong or in some way saying you are. It simply means that they have had different life experiences, environments, and teachers than you had. It's easy to dismiss anything else that bucks against what you have always known, but I warn you, it's not beneficial. If those things that formulate truth in you are within the boundaries of that familiar box, you will forever be walking in shallow waters. The truth is that we all have something to learn from each other. If we allow, those interactions can be like good art... they can push you out of your comfort zone, they can evolve your understanding, they can evoke emotion and thought. You'll experience a heftier return on your investment if you seek first to understand and then to be understood.

          2. You should live on short accounts..



My ten year old has a way of taking things to the extreme. For instance, if I tell him he needs to ask before getting something to drink out of our refrigerator, and he gets in trouble for not doing so, he'll typically respond with "But what if I am dying of thirst... should I just die then?!?!" This might make you smile or it may confirm what you are already feeling with my third suggestion. You may be thinking in your head "So, you're saying that you want me to approach the person every time they have offended me regardless of how big or how small the offense?" Well, no. I'm saying live on short accounts, but pick your battles. Is what happened or happening driving a wedge between you and that person? If so, talk to them. Hear me on this... talk to THEM. Not everyone else first, not in a passive aggressive way on FB, not as a "prayer request" to your pastor. THEM. If its a particular quirk like the way they eat that gets you so upset.. then, maybe practice restraint. I think you are starting to see the balance in what I am saying. This isn't just relegated to those who hurt you... but also, to those you have hurt. Being able to go to that person and own your side of things without needing them to own their side shows amazing maturity and resolve. The truth is that you may never get that closure you are looking for... you can however find it in yourself and in your actions when dealing with it. Living on short accounts will only assist in your own quality of life. 


 and finally...

3. Tact should always accompany opinion... always.

This is a hard one for most to grasp... simply because we want to be heard, and more than that, we usually want to be heard most in a moment of emotional tension. It's typically during these times that tact and logic take a backseat to just wanting to be right about something. Sometimes it even happens in normal, everyday conversations. I have a friend of mine who will often fore-go sharing their opinion on something in a tactful way and will instead opt to tout their truth while obtaining asshat status. Then, in some weird way, they will get off on how rude but honest they were. Justifying the whole exchange, but hurting people in the process. The real treasure lies in knowing what to say, when to say it, and HOW to say it. Restraint doesn't show weakness... it shows understanding, maturity, and love. 

Good mantra to embrace: * "Think before I say" "Think before I do"

There are of course many, many, more that I could elaborate on endlessly. Most from my own personal experiences. But, twenty-five things that will improve your life, just doesn't roll off the tongue as well. Sounds like more of a sales pitch doesn't it? What about you? I am sure there are things that you, the reader, can share with others that are also reading this. 

So I leave you with a final question and a challenge to share:

What have you learned in the classroom of life that will offer others the opportunity for growth? 

*That particular phrase was spoken to me on more than one occasion by a lifelong friend. I was 16 at the time... I am still learning to master that :) Love you Rich.